Monday, March 21, 2005
i'm back
Well, i'm back, in at least a couple of senses. First of all, i'm back from New York, after three weeks of 'working holiday' (in the loosest sense (well, in fact, forget the whole 'working' bit of that phrase (I was too busy experiencing things to write about them (or to learn how to use brackets properly in sentences)))).
Anyway the above also means i'm now back in front of my own computer, which increases the chances that this blog site will actually get some postings on a regular basis.
Also it means i'm back into my everyday routine and mindset, insofar as i've got one anyway. That's the thing about travelling - it's never just a journey in a geographical sense, but a trip to a different side of yourself (however cliched that sounds). I think in some ways that's the best part of the whole experience. Not only so you get the chance to explore what it's like to be a different person, but you remain changed in smaller ways when you return. It's perhaps about expanding your mental horizons. I, along with most people, have a tendency to make my everyday world as small as possible, because it seems easier to cope with that way. I suppose to an extent this is a necessary survival tactic, because the world is just too big and complicated for us to deal with, especially these days. But too often we limit ourselves much more than we need to, and remove variety and freedom from our lives. Some people counter this by taking drugs - I seem to use travel and other out-of-the-ordinary experiences to achieve the same thing.
I still haven't decided whether taking a trip in the literal or the figurative senses is more effective, but i've gone mainly with the first option up till now as it seems safer (or at least it's easier to get insurance for).
This whole drug thing seems to be on my mind at the moment, probably because on saturday night I went to a warehouse party where more-or-less everyone was on something. I toyed with the idea of taking some pills with my friends but after discussing it in some depth decided not to. I still don't know whether this was sensible caution or simply a lack of courage. They had mostly done it before, but there was no peer pressure really - just honest explanations of the good and bad sides. The bad sides really didn't sound that bad at all, and they were certainly not what stopped me. What did, I think, were two things; the idea of losing control, and the possibility of long term effects. Perhaps the fear of losing control is a common enough one, although everything else i've done recently (including writing this right now in fact), has been an effort to let go of such a need for concious control. Maybe I want to be in control of letting my control go. Hmm.
Anyway the second point seems more important to me. For someone whose only real resource is my mind (then again, that describes a lot of people), i'm a bit threatened by even the possibility of damaging it. Not that it's at all likely, but then again i've often felt I have a less firm grip on sanity than most, and it's probably best not to take chances.
In the event, I took no drugs (apart from the socially acceptable alcohol, which is probably a lot more damaging than anything else) but managed to lose myself in the crowd and the music anyway, as I usually do. Whether what I experienced was anywhere near as good as what my friends felt, I'll never know, but it's possible that I got into the same mindstate as them without chemical assistance. Then again, maybe not.
Anyway the above also means i'm now back in front of my own computer, which increases the chances that this blog site will actually get some postings on a regular basis.
Also it means i'm back into my everyday routine and mindset, insofar as i've got one anyway. That's the thing about travelling - it's never just a journey in a geographical sense, but a trip to a different side of yourself (however cliched that sounds). I think in some ways that's the best part of the whole experience. Not only so you get the chance to explore what it's like to be a different person, but you remain changed in smaller ways when you return. It's perhaps about expanding your mental horizons. I, along with most people, have a tendency to make my everyday world as small as possible, because it seems easier to cope with that way. I suppose to an extent this is a necessary survival tactic, because the world is just too big and complicated for us to deal with, especially these days. But too often we limit ourselves much more than we need to, and remove variety and freedom from our lives. Some people counter this by taking drugs - I seem to use travel and other out-of-the-ordinary experiences to achieve the same thing.
I still haven't decided whether taking a trip in the literal or the figurative senses is more effective, but i've gone mainly with the first option up till now as it seems safer (or at least it's easier to get insurance for).
This whole drug thing seems to be on my mind at the moment, probably because on saturday night I went to a warehouse party where more-or-less everyone was on something. I toyed with the idea of taking some pills with my friends but after discussing it in some depth decided not to. I still don't know whether this was sensible caution or simply a lack of courage. They had mostly done it before, but there was no peer pressure really - just honest explanations of the good and bad sides. The bad sides really didn't sound that bad at all, and they were certainly not what stopped me. What did, I think, were two things; the idea of losing control, and the possibility of long term effects. Perhaps the fear of losing control is a common enough one, although everything else i've done recently (including writing this right now in fact), has been an effort to let go of such a need for concious control. Maybe I want to be in control of letting my control go. Hmm.
Anyway the second point seems more important to me. For someone whose only real resource is my mind (then again, that describes a lot of people), i'm a bit threatened by even the possibility of damaging it. Not that it's at all likely, but then again i've often felt I have a less firm grip on sanity than most, and it's probably best not to take chances.
In the event, I took no drugs (apart from the socially acceptable alcohol, which is probably a lot more damaging than anything else) but managed to lose myself in the crowd and the music anyway, as I usually do. Whether what I experienced was anywhere near as good as what my friends felt, I'll never know, but it's possible that I got into the same mindstate as them without chemical assistance. Then again, maybe not.
