Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Right here, right Now
hi all,
I've just realised what my biggest problem is. At the risk of seeming particularly self-obsessed, i'm going to tell you all about it. As an excuse I offer the possibility that at least some of the people who read this might have encountered the same problem.
"So, what is this problem?", I hear you cry (actually, I have a feeling that some of you might be crying "enough with the sermonising, we want silly stories and photos of people doing stupid things", but i'm going to pretend for today that you're not).
Well, the problem is basically that I never seem to get round to living for today, for the present moment. To paraphrase Yoda, my favourite source of wisdom "always I look away, my mind on the future; never my mind on where I am, what I am doing". He may be small and look like a garden gnome, but the guy knows.
There are many things I dream of, and hope for. This is not in itself a problem, indeed to have hopes is necessary for anyone to keep going, but not to the extent where they take over. But mine do, and the trouble is that many of my dreams are unrealistic, if not unobtainable. I know i'll never achieve most of them; but it's so tempting to live in them, to craft the perfect imaginary life for myself, that i'm sometimes in danger of missing out on what's happening here and now. When I allow myself to see it, i'm already living a dream really; i'm young(ish), free, i know a lot of wonderful people, i've found a job I love (and the fact that it's not paying the bills has not yet cut into my lifestyle), etc. Life should be more or less blissful. But so often the warm glow of these real treasures is outshone by the glitter of imaginary splendours that might lie ahead, and I set my eyes on the future and miss the present moment. Or I lose myself in nostalgia, looking back to the comfort of the unchanging past.
The truth is though that this moment, Now, is all we really have. The future can change in an instant; it is not ours. And likewise the past is only ours through memory, and to live in memories of yesterday is to turn your back on life. But the ever-moving Now, that is ours. And it contains more than we could ever dream of, and is more valuable than our most cherished memories, for it is real.
Yet I dream, for example, of one day making a success of writing, and maybe being comfortably well-off and respected (i'm just wise enough to prefer that to being rich and famous). So I sit here in my room, trying to tell stories of the long-ago and far-away, while the real glories of summer days roll past my window, unappreciated. And the worst thing is that I might some day get to where I wish to be, make it as a writer, and still be unsatisfied. 'Success' in the way that I hope for is a never-ending path; one can always be more successful in this sense. So I might find myself pursuing this moving destination endlessly and never once look around to see and enjoy where i've got to already.
Of course, having spotted this i'm determined not to do follow that path. But it'll be hard to avoid, sometimes. The world we live in today makes things harder; adverts fill us with dreams, with aspirations of riches, power, popularity, a perfect partner, perfect children, a perfect job, a perfect life... and celebrity culture tempts us to worship those who've already got there, though we know in our hearts that we wouldn't want to be like them, that they are just as unfulfilled and unhappy as the rest of us, if not more so.
I'm not saying that we should forget completely about past and future, of course. We should learn from the past, and we should have plans for the future (while leaving room for those plans to adapt to unexpected changes). But there should always be room to see and appreciate what we have right now.
And on that note, if you'll excuse me, I have to go. There's a summer going on right now outside my window, and I think i'd better go and enjoy it before it passes me by.
I've just realised what my biggest problem is. At the risk of seeming particularly self-obsessed, i'm going to tell you all about it. As an excuse I offer the possibility that at least some of the people who read this might have encountered the same problem.
"So, what is this problem?", I hear you cry (actually, I have a feeling that some of you might be crying "enough with the sermonising, we want silly stories and photos of people doing stupid things", but i'm going to pretend for today that you're not).
Well, the problem is basically that I never seem to get round to living for today, for the present moment. To paraphrase Yoda, my favourite source of wisdom "always I look away, my mind on the future; never my mind on where I am, what I am doing". He may be small and look like a garden gnome, but the guy knows.
There are many things I dream of, and hope for. This is not in itself a problem, indeed to have hopes is necessary for anyone to keep going, but not to the extent where they take over. But mine do, and the trouble is that many of my dreams are unrealistic, if not unobtainable. I know i'll never achieve most of them; but it's so tempting to live in them, to craft the perfect imaginary life for myself, that i'm sometimes in danger of missing out on what's happening here and now. When I allow myself to see it, i'm already living a dream really; i'm young(ish), free, i know a lot of wonderful people, i've found a job I love (and the fact that it's not paying the bills has not yet cut into my lifestyle), etc. Life should be more or less blissful. But so often the warm glow of these real treasures is outshone by the glitter of imaginary splendours that might lie ahead, and I set my eyes on the future and miss the present moment. Or I lose myself in nostalgia, looking back to the comfort of the unchanging past.
The truth is though that this moment, Now, is all we really have. The future can change in an instant; it is not ours. And likewise the past is only ours through memory, and to live in memories of yesterday is to turn your back on life. But the ever-moving Now, that is ours. And it contains more than we could ever dream of, and is more valuable than our most cherished memories, for it is real.
Yet I dream, for example, of one day making a success of writing, and maybe being comfortably well-off and respected (i'm just wise enough to prefer that to being rich and famous). So I sit here in my room, trying to tell stories of the long-ago and far-away, while the real glories of summer days roll past my window, unappreciated. And the worst thing is that I might some day get to where I wish to be, make it as a writer, and still be unsatisfied. 'Success' in the way that I hope for is a never-ending path; one can always be more successful in this sense. So I might find myself pursuing this moving destination endlessly and never once look around to see and enjoy where i've got to already.
Of course, having spotted this i'm determined not to do follow that path. But it'll be hard to avoid, sometimes. The world we live in today makes things harder; adverts fill us with dreams, with aspirations of riches, power, popularity, a perfect partner, perfect children, a perfect job, a perfect life... and celebrity culture tempts us to worship those who've already got there, though we know in our hearts that we wouldn't want to be like them, that they are just as unfulfilled and unhappy as the rest of us, if not more so.
I'm not saying that we should forget completely about past and future, of course. We should learn from the past, and we should have plans for the future (while leaving room for those plans to adapt to unexpected changes). But there should always be room to see and appreciate what we have right now.
And on that note, if you'll excuse me, I have to go. There's a summer going on right now outside my window, and I think i'd better go and enjoy it before it passes me by.
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I am reminded of the works of the great bard Tarantino:
ORDELL Goddam, girl. You gettin' high already. It's only two
o'clock.
MELANIE It's that late?
ORDELL Ha-ha-ha. I'm serious, you smoke too much of that shit. That
shit robs you of your ambition.
MELANIE Not if your ambition is to get high and watch T.V.
ORDELL Goddam, girl. You gettin' high already. It's only two
o'clock.
MELANIE It's that late?
ORDELL Ha-ha-ha. I'm serious, you smoke too much of that shit. That
shit robs you of your ambition.
MELANIE Not if your ambition is to get high and watch T.V.
# posted by 
: 12:07 pm
: 12:07 pm
A certain Calvin and Hobbes cartoon sums it all up for me:
C: If you could have anything, what would it be?
H: A big sunny field to be in.
C: A stupid field?! You've got that now! Think big! Riches! Power! Pretend you could have anything!
C: Actually, It's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy.
H: ZZZ
Unfortuntely it loses some of its impact out of cartoon format. You could check it out at:
http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/calvinhobbes.htm
though.
C: If you could have anything, what would it be?
H: A big sunny field to be in.
C: A stupid field?! You've got that now! Think big! Riches! Power! Pretend you could have anything!
C: Actually, It's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy.
H: ZZZ
Unfortuntely it loses some of its impact out of cartoon format. You could check it out at:
http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/calvinhobbes.htm
though.
Seriously, my unfortunate wisdom actually came from Britney Spears. But she did make massives of sense when she said "self-doubt doesn't do anything good for anyone". Simple but what's the point in self-doubt? It's a purely negative emotion.
I also quite like this other quote, for when you encounter someone who manages to upset/anger you: "There's a lot of cunts in the world, don't be suprised when you meet one of them." Genius.
I also quite like this other quote, for when you encounter someone who manages to upset/anger you: "There's a lot of cunts in the world, don't be suprised when you meet one of them." Genius.
# posted by : 3:21 pm
: 3:21 pm
If you aren't reasonably critical of your own actions you can't ever expect to pick the best of them and know when you've got a good thing.
In this regard Britney isn't always the best person to listen to - a little more self doubt would help her stay out of ludicrous situations. I prefer Robert Anton Wilson's Cosmic Schmuck Law:
The Cosmic Shmuck law holds that [1] the more often you suspect you may be thinking or acting like a Cosmic Shmuck, the less of a Cosmic Shmuck you will become, year by year, and [2] if you never suspect you might think or act like a Cosmic Shmuck, you will remain a Cosmic Shmuck for life.
In this regard Britney isn't always the best person to listen to - a little more self doubt would help her stay out of ludicrous situations. I prefer Robert Anton Wilson's Cosmic Schmuck Law:
The Cosmic Shmuck law holds that [1] the more often you suspect you may be thinking or acting like a Cosmic Shmuck, the less of a Cosmic Shmuck you will become, year by year, and [2] if you never suspect you might think or act like a Cosmic Shmuck, you will remain a Cosmic Shmuck for life.
# posted by : 4:26 pm
: 4:26 pm
I myself doubt the value of self-doubt.
I don't think self-doubt is the same thing as humility. Humility is self-honesty as much as anything; realising you're only human just like everyone else, and we all need that sometimes.
Self-doubt is a lot less accurate, and distorts the objective picture we might otherwise have of our strengths and weaknesses. What's more, most people I know with slef-doubt issues (including myself) often compensate for it by desparately seeking approval, which ends up with them looking a lot more like a Cosmic Shmuck then quiet self-confidence would.
Well, thats my £0.02 worth anyway.
I don't think self-doubt is the same thing as humility. Humility is self-honesty as much as anything; realising you're only human just like everyone else, and we all need that sometimes.
Self-doubt is a lot less accurate, and distorts the objective picture we might otherwise have of our strengths and weaknesses. What's more, most people I know with slef-doubt issues (including myself) often compensate for it by desparately seeking approval, which ends up with them looking a lot more like a Cosmic Shmuck then quiet self-confidence would.
Well, thats my £0.02 worth anyway.
Well yeah, that's kind of the point - if you realize you're being a Cosmic Schmuck by constantly seeking approval then you should try and figure out a way to stop that pattern of behaviour.
A degree of self-doubt is valuable. That's the point of it. I wouldn't go so far as to say someone can't be crippled by an excess of it.
Basically, everyone has it in them to be wrong. If you can't doubt yourself and your own decisions, then you can never accept that you're wrong.
A degree of self-doubt is valuable. That's the point of it. I wouldn't go so far as to say someone can't be crippled by an excess of it.
Basically, everyone has it in them to be wrong. If you can't doubt yourself and your own decisions, then you can never accept that you're wrong.
# posted by : 2:21 pm
: 2:21 pm
I still think that humility is what we need rather than self-doubt. But maybe it's a matter of semantics.
For me, though, I find that people with real self-confidence (as opposed to arrogance) are the ones most willing to admit they're wrong, because they know that they can admit to a mistake without invalidating themselves completely as a person.
The kind of arrogance that never allows one to admit one's own failings seems to me to usually cover a basic insecurity (it's a cliche I know, but it's true as well).
This is getting pretty serious here. I'm going to have to start writing (intentionally) silly posts again ;-)
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For me, though, I find that people with real self-confidence (as opposed to arrogance) are the ones most willing to admit they're wrong, because they know that they can admit to a mistake without invalidating themselves completely as a person.
The kind of arrogance that never allows one to admit one's own failings seems to me to usually cover a basic insecurity (it's a cliche I know, but it's true as well).
This is getting pretty serious here. I'm going to have to start writing (intentionally) silly posts again ;-)
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